"Fairy" Cabin Appears on Singing Hill
January 28, 2018
SINGING HILL - A one-room cabin with solar-powered lights, plexiglass windows, and real tiles and laminate flooring has appeared on the side of Singing Hill. When first revealed it also had a Christmas tree in it and glowing Christmas lights on the roof. Witnesses called it "beautiful" and "magical." ¶
Timsmen Get TV
January 28, 2018
MEADOW HOME - Who would have ever though that a dollhouse would have a working TV when the big people didn't have a big TV? But that's precisely what happened. The 3.5-inch big-screen TV in the dollhouse gets local news in an area where there isn't much of that on the radio and also 24/7 radar weather. "We don’t usually watch it much," said Toby, "But we did watch part of a sports championship." ¶
Grocery Store Robbed
January 28, 2018
MEADOW HOME - Police apprehended and deported the mouse responsible for multiple overnight robberies of H.E.D. involving baked goods, dairy, drinks, and candy, sometimes abandoned near the scene. ¶
Timothy's Printing Press Prints Doll Books
January 28, 2018
DOLLPORT - Timothy's Printing Press has begun printing full-length books for dolls with double-sided pages and gilt bindings. The first book produced was Pride and Prejudice in four volumes. Master Tims-men gave the first set of this to Catherine in Nebraska and the second to Rebecca. The books were for-matted with Scribus, sewn to cloth backings, covered in cereal box cardboard and scrapbook paper, and edged with gold paint. Timothy's Printing Press also printed the first two books of The New Testament in one volume and typeset but has not finished Two Years Before the Mast, one of Eleanor's favorite books. ¶
Grocery Store Opens in Meadow Home
January 28, 2018
MEADOW HOME - Here Everything's Doll has open-ed a new store featuring a large number of bulk food bins and spices as well as dry goods such as paper towels, sponges, and soap. The centerpiece of the store is a covered counter subdivided between fish, meat, cheese, and bakery goods. The store has a sidewalk cafe in front and is built with living quarters upstairs, a book-nook tower, a battlement, and a belfry. Dollport Radio has been transmitting from the attic. The store also has lights and a real clock. "We try to have a little of everything you need," said Norman Nicely, "whether it's lettuce and rice for dinner; laundry detergent; or chips, apples, and roses for a very special picnic." ¶
A Harvest of Mouse Melons
January 28, 2018
NORRISVILLE - Doll gardening had a highly successful year this year with a harvest of mouse melons. These fruits look a lot like little watermelons and taste like cucumbers but a little more sour. The melons were grown on a trellis, not in the scenic part of the Norrisville doll garden, which is dedicated to creeping thyme, lawn daises, a rock garden, and such. ¶
DGN News (Satire)
August 24, 2014
Obama Adds Alpha Channel to Public Television In Bid to Improve Government Transparency
This move was long sought by activists who feared PowerPoint had made govt. transparencies a thing of the past, but critics lament the channel's colorless content and lacks visibility in most major markets. ¶
Isis Declares war on ISIS
In hieroglyphics posted online yesterday on a highly-read jihadi internet stella, the ancient Egyptian deity appears to have threatened the terrorist club with "unthinkable tortures in the underworld" for "identity theft and hating my guts." ¶
Ebony Virus Overwhelms Wood Treatment Centers
The virus is turning ordinary backyard trees into the valuable hardwood at an alarming rate. "It's terrible," one woman told us, "Yesterday there was this big oak, and today it's just a pile of piano keys." ¶